Three Years

To My Precious Daddy--

 

This day will always be one of the hardest days of my life. I remember this day like it was yesterday & here today it's been three years since I last seen you. I remember getting up that morning getting ready to visit you in the hospital where days prior you were awake, talking, & watching the bears game with mom & I,  we left that day with hope. Hope that you were getting better & would be able to come home soon with us. Harsh reality hit when I got a phone call from mom saying that you took a turn for the worst, that you were fighting for your life. I still to this day don't get how everything happened that you were awake and talking days prior and then all of a sudden you are hooked up to a machine breathing for you, I still don't get it. Some days I can't wrap my head around that you are gone, I really cant. There are days where I just want to fall to the ground and cry, but I don't because I have to be strong for myself and for mom. I have my moments where I do cry when thinking about you not being here, but it doesn't last long because I think of all the times it was you, mom & I and I laugh because we always had a good time together. They say with time it will get easier & yes in a way it does but most of it's a lie because the pain of missing you will always be there, that will never go away. I have not one single regret about dropping out of high school to take care of you, most people thought that was the stupidest thing I have done, but I don't. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do, I needed to be with you. We spent every moment together for 3 years & I cling to the memories we shared together. I still wake up sometimes to go look for you to be sitting in your recliner, drinking your coffee, & waiting for me to wake up. Then reality hits that will never be and it hits me like a ton of bricks. There are days I think that all of this isn't fair,  it's not fair that you ever got sick that day in June seven years ago, it's not fair I lost a part of my father I once knew that day, that our world turned upside down when we found out you lost your speech to a stroke, that you missed me getting my GED a month after your passing even though I know you were there and so so proud of me, that I will not have my father walking me down the aisle and giving me away on my wedding day like I always dreamed about, that you are missing birthdays, anniversaries & holidays, that my mother lost her husband and me losing my father, sometimes it's just not fair. Today & every day I remember you dad, you. I will never ever forget you & the father you were to me. I promise to take care of mom & to make you proud. I miss you so much it hurts & I love you more than you know.

 

Love Always & Forever,

 

Your Katie baby